Tuesday, 1 April 2014

20 Unconventional Ways To Monetize Your Blog

Future Stock

Bender, we’re trying our best. Why would a robot need to drink? Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk!

Proposition Infinity

I could if you hadn’t turned on the light and shut off my stereo. I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared… Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets! Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. I meant ‘physically’. Look, perhaps you could let me work for a little food? I could clean the floors or paint a fence, or service you sexually? Belligerent and numerous.
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  • Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

Insane in the Mainframe

Take me to your leader! But I’ve never been to the moon! Look, everyone wants to be like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of ‘will’? You’ll have all the Slurm you can drink when you’re partying with Slurms McKenzie! I wish! It’s a nickel. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems.

Anthology of Interest I

Ooh, name it after me! And then the battle’s not so bad? Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died. It’s okay, Bender. I like cooking too. Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?
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  2. Okay, it’s 500 dollars, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can’t hold the charge and the reception isn’t very…
  3. Oh, I don’t have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain.
That Darn Katz!
Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. I videotape every customer that comes in here, so that I may blackmail them later. Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.”
Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
You’re going to do his laundry? Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I’m still single? It’s ’cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans! Negative, bossy meat creature! Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! You won’t have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you’ll be doing. Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets!
File not found. There’s one way and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent. Dissect its brain! Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?
Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There’s only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo! Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn’t you just get me the death penalty? That’s a popular name today. Little “e”, big “B”? You guys go on without me! I’m going to go… look for more stuff to steal! Ugh, it’s filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we’re at it?
I never loved you. You’re going to do his laundry? Why would a robot need to drink? Oh God, what have I done? You can see how I lived before I met you.
Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. Throw her in the brig. Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn’t I break his legs? Professor, make a woman out of me. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.
Oh no! The professor will hit me! But if Zoidberg ‘fixes’ it… then perhaps gifts! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Why not indeed! Tell them I hate them. Guess again. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?
I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. All I want is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit… that’s why I’m transferring to business school! Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy.
You don’t know how to do any of those. In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells. For example, if you killed your grandfather, you’d cease to exist! Tell them I hate them. It’s toe-tappingly tragic!
Alright, let’s mafia things up a bit. Joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. Yeah, lots of people did.
Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. As an interesting side note, as a head without a body, I envy the dead. Meh. One hundred dollars. Kids have names? I was all of history’s great robot actors – Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny!
Fry! Quit doing the right thing, you jerk! Who are you, my warranty?! With gusto. Take me to your leader!
Oh, all right, I am. But if anything happens to me, tell them I died robbing some old man. Okay, it’s 500 dollars, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can’t hold the charge and the reception isn’t very… When will that be? Your best is an idiot!
Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as “the brig”. Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry’s worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them. It’s toe-tappingly tragic!
A true inspiration for the children. It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. Your best is an idiot! Man, I’m sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor. I love you, buddy!
For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. Who’s brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere? Noooooo! Well I’da done better, but it’s plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Anyone who laughs is a communist!

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